so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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