Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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