Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
