Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
