When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
