I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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