yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
