New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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