He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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