does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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