she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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