I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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