The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm too high and old for this...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
