Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
