Where is the hickey?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
