Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
COCAINE IS GR8
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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