So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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