oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
