All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
