I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
