he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
