I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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