I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
