i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
