dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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