you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
