On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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