Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
