plz talk dirty to me
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
