They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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