I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
