The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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