I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
