I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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