Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
