I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
