Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
