There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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