I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
