does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
