i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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