Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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