remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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