I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize