i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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