You're so nebulous sometimes
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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