You work out of a Hotel?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
