Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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