You were right. It hurts to walk today.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
