He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
