Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
