Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My life is pants optional.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
