I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
