I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
