I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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