She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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