If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Randomize
