ugly people sure do ruin things
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
it was like having sex with a tree stump
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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