Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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