You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
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Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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