I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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