he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
