Buhtt sex?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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