You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
