I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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