I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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