I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
