Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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