My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
