Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
