I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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