The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
