ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
