Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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